Curium Solutions – Simplified Change Management, Birmingham, West Midlands

Using TetraMap to remove ‘Mum Guilt’

By Jo Rix

09 Aug 2018

Using TetraMap to remove ‘Mum Guilt’

Senior consultant Jo Rix uses TetraMap to change her mindset about juggling work and family during the summer holidays.

Six weeks of not rushing. Six weeks of not shouting, “Have you done your teeth?… Why haven’t you got your shoes on yet… We should have left 10 minutes ago.” Six weeks of quality time with the kids. Just imagine.

While a lot of mums are excited about the school holidays and the prospect of spending endless days in the sunshine; of not getting up at the crack of dawn and having fun with their children, this time of year causes me nothing but stress.

Or, I as call it: Mum Guilt. How can I possibly work full time, run a house and still be a good mum?

Mum Guilt is a regular occurrence for me, but, this year, I didn’t want to spend the summer holidays consumed with what I was doing wrong.

I started thinking about what right and wrong really are, which got me thinking about TetraMap. In the TetraMap workshops I deliver I share with the group that the Tetrahedron has no left or right, no up nor down, no good nor bad and no right nor wrong.

I talk about only focusing on strengths and using the four elements of nature (Earth, Air, Water, Fire) to reduce conflict.

If I’m honest, I had to have a little chat with myself as to why I didn’t apply these same principles to myself. How could I use this to reduce my own internal conflict and get through the summer holidays with minimal Mum Guilt?

Using TetraMap to reframe my situation has helped as follows:

Earth – Have I ever really thought about my outcomes for all the previous summer holidays? Probably not, but this year it’s to make sure the kids are cared for every day and have fun and relax, with minimal stress to me and their daddy.

Air – In previous years we’ve just winged it and prayed that we would survive. This year we have a plan that is visible to everyone in the kitchen, with names, times, dates, activities and actions, including mummy and daddy.

Water – We sat as a family and the kids shared the fun things they’d like to do and who they’d like to spend time with. We’ve connected with other working families to make sure they can go to activities with friends. So far, this has reduced the number of arguments as everyone has been part of the plan.

Fire – The possibilities of what our family can do over the summer holidays are endless. If there is no right or wrong, then what we do is just simply what we do. I can gain my energy from my kids enjoying themselves and me giving them the opportunities to do it. If I focus on my strengths as a mum, then the world seems a happier place.

By reframing my situation using TetraMap, the usual summer holiday stress has, for the first time in years, started to turn to excitement. Not only am I confident that the kids will have fun, but that the Mum Guilt will be kept to a minimum this time round.

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